One of the most difficult things I ever had to do was to admit I had hurt someone and ask to be forgiven. I had to overcome my own fear of punishment, a law suit, and risk loosing a long time friendship. Things are never the same after you hurt someone you love. But I asked to be forgiven and I feel better about myself. I have made my peace with the persons I have betrayed and my life is better as a result. I no longer have to worry about what might happen if some one finds out about me and it's a lot easier for me to avoid making the same mistake. I have also forgiven myself for what I have done and taken the necessary steps to make sure it does not happen again.

I also had to forgive my father for trying to kill me when I was 18 months old. When I found out about it in a regression therapy session, I did not believe it. The central piece of evidence was a bear skin rug on the living room floor. I was naked, playing on the rug and loving the sensuous feeling of the fur against my skin. At one point, I got up and urinated on it in a gesture of defiance. When my father saw me, he went into a fit of rage and kicked me into the wall. I suffered a fractured skull, fractured ribs, fractured hip and a dislocated shoulder. He then took me to the kitchen table and proceeded to put a diaper on me. At this point I started to urinate again and pissed onto his face, he got so mad that he got a pillow and choked me to death. My soul left my body and went all the way to the Being of Light who told me that I had been given something to do and that I must go back and do it.

Although I had scares that proved it really happened, I could not believe my father would do such a horrible thing. I asked my older sister if we ever had a bear skin rug in our home and she said: 'Yes'. Still I refused to believe it. On my father's 80th. birthday, I was sitting next to him at the diner table and my sister was sitting in front of me. I asked him if we ever had a bear skin rug on the living room floor and he said: ' No, we never did'. My sister replied: 'Yes we did for at least four years'. Upon hearing her, my father got up, left the dining room and locked himself up into his apartment. I was sure now that this really did happen. I waited for a couple of hours and went to see him to offer forgiveness for all the bad things that happened to me because of him. Unfortunately, he refused to admit he had done anything wrong. He died 6 months later.

I still wanted to forgive him and get this mess resolved in a good way. About a year after he passed away, I met a Native healer and she invited me to attend a Sweat Lodge ceremony. She said: 'During the ceremony, I give you permission to invite the Spirit or Soul of your father and offer him forgiveness one more time. It was my first experience with Native spirituality and a good one it was. We held a talking circle in the Lodge. When my turn came to speak, I invited the Spirit of my father to come and I said to him: " Dad, I forgive you for a very simple reason. I became a violent person as a result of the violence I had to endure growing up. In order for you to be so mean to your own family, you must have had a terrible childhood yourself ."

About a year later, I was participating in a walk across the United States of America to bring people of all races together and stop violence. Every evening, we where holding talking circles. On one of those evenings, a 35 years old woman gave me a Teddy Bear and told me: 'I wont tell you why I am giving you this now but I will later. Please hold on to it.' There were many children attending those gatherings and the Teddy Bear was gone pretty quickly. About a week later, I received a letter from that woman, delivered to me by her sister. In the letter she describes a dream she had about me. In her dream, she saw me standing in a room talking to some people and she saw a very old French gentleman whom she believed was my father was standing behind me holding a Teddy Bear . He wanted to give me the Teddy Bear but he was afraid to approach me so he snuck up behind me, put the Teddy Bear beside my feet and left the room.

I recognized my father's Spirit doing this to let me know he had accepted the forgiveness offered a year earlier, but I could not understand why he had given this dream to that woman. When Spirits have a message for you they usually communicate with the person concerned. This was a mystery to me but I knew I would understand sooner or later. Another week went by and this woman came back to see me. This time she was accompanied by her husband and her 4 years old hyperactive boy. I sat down at a picnic table and oriented the conversation toward their relationship. They shared their difficulties with me and I shared my healing journey with them and gave all three of them some tools to control their anger. I now understood why my father had given her the dream. Not only had he accepted the forgiveness offered, but he was now guiding people to me so I could share with them my healing journey from violence to happiness and help them make their lives better. My heart was moved to tears of joy when I realized what was happening.